Thursday, March 26, 2015

Coming out of a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) stronger than ever

     Disclaimer: I am in no way an expert in relationships. What works for my relationship may not for yours. However, I don't know about all of you out there in a LDR, but I know reading about other people in the same situation and how they deal with it helps me a lot. It allows me to see past the loneliness and the waiting game, and it enables me to focus on the big picture, which is the moment I'll finally be able to be with my man forever.

     My fiancé and I are now on our third session apart. I know... compared to many other people out there, it's not the worst. It is only a couple months at a time, but regardless of how much time being apart lasts, every LDR have that one thing in common: being appart sucks. Big Time. You'd think that it would get easier every time, but it doesn't. It actually feels like it's doing the complete opposite. Every time, the loneliness and the missing of each other only get worst and worst.

     This is why I thought about writing this post: this is more of a therapeutic list making than an advise column, but if it can help any of you get through your waiting time until you next see your hunny, then all the better.

Let your someone special know about the small things
The first time we time we were apart, Shane and I would only Skype every other day because we felt like we had nothing "important" to say. I think what happened was that we felt like we only needed to share the big things going on in our lives. However, after the second time we spent apart, we started talking about the small, "unimportant" things because that's what we would do when we were around. one another. I now sometimes send him pictures of random things such as the food I'm be eating, tell him funny things I witnessed, send him little videos of my godson, etc... Somehow, it's these little "unimportant" moments that keeps us closer and that makes the distance feel smaller.

Keep the romance alive
Just because you can't physically touch, hug and kiss each other doesn't mean you can't be romantic. This is the perfect opportunity to come out of your shell! Write little love letters, send postcards sprayed with perfume, send funny little videos, etc. Nothing is too corny! I'll admit that I have made a lip sync video a few months back, and while it may make some people vomit from the corniness, I'm still quite proud of the final product. It's just a nice, creative way of letting your someone special that they're on your mind.

Care packages
Since we had to spend last Christmas apart, I sent Shane a care package about a month before which was loosely based on advent calendars. Included was a letter with loads of cheesy and corny passages, as well as the rules for how the package worked. Basically I had created a little countdown calendar that had an activity for Shane to do each day. The activities varied from day to day and included stuff like "go out with the lads tonight and have fun!", "send me a video of your sexy dance", "tell me 5 reasons why you love me", etc. And then for the last ten days before we were to be reunited, he had a small daily gift to open. The gifts themselves were small and nothing fancy, but they were representations of little inside jokes and a lot of thought were put into them, which made them that much more special.

Keep busy
This is basically a given, but I cannot stress this enough. Keep yourself busy! I used to work two jobs so that the days would fly by! I spent extra time with my nieces and nephews, taking them out skating, to the movies, etc. I made plans with friends and colleagues outside of work. My worst enemy is getting bored. That's when my mind starts turning and thinking, and rethink and then thinking some more. And then the hours drag and days seem to be never ending! I don't advise you to burn yourselves out, but even if it means taking up an extra hobby, do it! It's so easy to stay in bed in your pyjamas, watching Netflix and eating junk food. Instead, go out, socialise, take a new class, anything to simply get yourself out of the house.

Stay positive
Finally, keep remembering about the big picture. At the moment, if might feel like you haven't seen your other half in ages and that your reunion date is forever away. But keep in mind that this won't be forever. Eventually, you'll be able to be together for good. This lesson is actually brought on by Shane who keeps reminding me of this. He keeps telling me that this is only temporary and there will come the day where we won't have to be apart anymore and that all of this will be worth it. We simply need to keep looking at what's ahead of us, which is a lifelong time of happiness.

For all of you out there that are living the same situation, what else do you do to make the waiting and the distance easier?

Now, I'm actually unsure about whether or not I should include the video I was taking about earlier, but why not? As you will see, it's cheesy to the point of being cringy, but it was made out of love, which is kind of the point. It might also inspire you to made a special video for your own partner... either that or it will inspire to never make one! Haha! Anyways, do enjoy!

Yours truly, Bien la vôtre,

1 comment:

Kate said...

Hello Martine :D
My name is Kate! Just stumbled onto your blog and wondered if you’d be interested in joining our new LDR blogging community. You can reach me via the contact form at our website for more info. I really hope to hear back from you soon! Thanks a bunch!